The Struggle of Amuka Vik: Living with a Physical Disability and Transgender Male Identity
Amuka and their family members face discrimination and humiliation in public spaces due to their physical disabilities. While boarding a bus in Kirtipur, Kathmandu, the conductor remarked, ‘You walk like you’ve been drinking; why do you ask for a discount just because you’re disabled?’ Amuka responds with a smile, showing their ID card, but feels a deep hurt inside. Their foot has a thin groove, preventing them from placing direct weight on it, forcing them to walk unsteadily. Others wrongly assume Amuka is intoxicated and look down on them. This is a small glimpse into Amuka’s daily life.
Born in Nayapur village, Kaski district, Amuka is now 25 years old. Their family consists of 10 members, among whom 4 have physical disabilities—the eldest sister, two brothers, and Amuka. The other four siblings are unaffected. All four disabled members share similar conditions: a slightly raised spine, feet with thin grooves, and bent or twisted legs. This makes standing and walking very difficult. The eldest sister is the most severely disabled and cannot walk even with a stick, requiring assistance. One brother, Mylo, is somewhat stronger, while Amuka is the least affected, able to walk lightly. Medical examinations found no definitive disease; everything appeared normal. The government has issued red or blue disability cards, but the associated benefits are minimal. When asking for discounts on public buses, conductors often insult them.
After completing basic education in their village, Amuka moved to Kathmandu with the goal of learning Thangka painting. A disability-focused organization offers free painting training, where Amuka and Mylo started learning together. The organization provides 6,000 rupees per month for rent and expenses, but the rent alone is 5,000 rupees. To cover the remaining costs, Amuka sometimes has to skip classes and sell incense sticks. While selling incense, some people show sympathy. Some praise them, saying, ‘Many with disabilities beg to make a living, but you work to support yourself.’ Others ask, ‘If you can walk this way, why don’t you do other jobs?’ However, some use buying incense as an excuse to splash water on Amuka in humiliation. Occasionally, travelers mockingly say, ‘I’m disabled too,’ as an insult. Amuka retorts, ‘I’m physically disabled; it seems you are mentally disabled.’ Although born female, Amuka identified as male from a young age.
After moving to Kathmandu during adolescence, Amuka learned about the LGBTQ community and transgender individuals through social media. Their identity became clearer after hearing a disabled friend’s experience. Now openly living as a trans man, Amuka dresses in male clothing and keeps short hair. Their first romantic relationship was with a girl who did not want to continue it. One day, Amuka was attacked by a group of boys who tried to assault them with knives. Neighbors intervened and saved Amuka. The assaults repeated two or three more times. Filing a police complaint led only to photographs being taken but no action. These events deeply hurt Amuka, forcing them to live alone for a time. Later, they met another woman through TikTok who identifies as lesbian. They now share a stable relationship and openly communicate about everything.
Amuka has completed their undergraduate studies and is learning Thangka painting. Financial difficulties make it challenging to attend courses regularly. Their greatest dream is to undergo surgery to fully transition to a male body. However, weak financial status is a major obstacle. ‘My family is very poor; if we were wealthy, perhaps I could have done it,’ Amuka says. But they have not given up. ‘I will earn a lot of money and do the surgery myself,’ they affirm. Amuka’s life is a collective struggle against disability, transgender identity, poverty, violence, and social discrimination. Yet, they say joyfully, ‘Whatever happens, I live, I fight, and I dream.’